Author Archives: Myra Wells

Chasing Anger and Pain Away

If this continued, I’d have to ask my husband to take me to the hospital. My heart was racing, my blood pressure was probably through the roof and I was almost doubled over from stomach pain. In the midst of a full blown panic attack, my feelings were so frightening, overwhelming my heart to the point of desperation and misery.

I kept telling myself my feelings were a prison of my own making trapping me within my past experiences, trauma and poor decisions. My skin felt like a thousand ants were crawling all over it as I sat on my bed, stroking my dog, trying to remind myself that feelings can also be amazing, rejuvenating and liberating. That’s what they had been when I walked down the aisle to marry Richard, my beloved husband.

So what do we do with our negative emotions? They move around us like a wind, sometimes at hurricane speed threatening to topple the foundation of who we are.

Frustration, pain and disappointment rob us of our joy and continually haunt us. They become a nightmare when they overtake your soul, heart and mind. This internal emptiness can steal your attention from God, negate God’s good plan for your life or make you feel like you will never be enough. Most importantly, they stifle our God-given desire to live boldly.

When negative emotions play havoc with us, when they show up on our doorstep, we don’t have to answer the door and invite them in forever. You are never obligated to say, “Come on in and make yourself at home.” You don’t have to be ambushed by a broken heart, nor do you have bury your dreams. Our tendency is to avoid pain, yet when we do that, we also stall the opportunity for growth and renewal.

So just what are we to do with these negative feelings? The key to keep challenging, draining thoughts in check is not to deny them, but to lavish them with compassion and guide them from your spirit-led self.

What if Jesus wanted you to extend compassion not just to your neighbors, but also to the damaging thoughts harbored in your heart that get in the way of you becoming all God wants for you? The idea of befriending negative emotions sounds counter-intuitive, but has criticizing or rejecting parts of yourself ever made you better? Take time to ask, “God, what do you think this is? What does your Word say about making a friend of this negative feeling?”

We can discern the answer by asking ourselves a few questions.

  • Is what I am feeling causing me to dwell on what is “true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy” (Phil 4:8) or lesser things? Are my emotions leading me to life or death?
  • Are they reinforcing God’s truth? Or are they backed by Satan’s lies?
  • Are they helping me to love God (and others) with all my heart? Or are they causing me to pull away from the love of God?

God has graciously called us to do all things in love. Anything contending against that love should be heart-checked. That’s because sadness can quickly turn into isolation. Rejection becomes depression. Anger leads us to division. Loneliness keeps us bottled up.

Let God’s grace wash over your negative feelings and create space for internal transformation. With God’s word as your guide, you extend hospitality to those demanding feelings deep inside, eliminating the derision; instead creating space for internal transformation.

Identity Crisis

It wasn’t the “who am I” identity crisis occupying my life for the last month. I’m not sitting around contemplating where I fit in this world. No, I was truly having trouble actually proving who I was.

With my license about to expire, my goal was to renew it with a REAL ID. For those of you not familiar, this is a federally compliant version of your old driver’s license needed after Sept 30, 2020 to get on an airplane or to visit certain governmental buildings. There are strict federal laws governing each state: Anyone requesting a REAL ID needs to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt who they really are.

My problem was I let my passport expire. I read up on the items needed instead. One of them was a birth certificate. I searched my house for weeks trying to find a document I wasn’t even certain I had. Finally, I gave up and obtained a new one from the county where I was born.

As women, we also have to prove our name change for every driver’s license. So I packed up my marriage license, my birth certificate, social security card and proof of my address before heading out to the DMV. Yet, I was still rejected because I brought my marriage license not a certified copy of my marriage certificate. Never mind this was the very document I used years ago to change my driver’s license, my passport, my social security card, all my bank accounts – you get the idea. The DMV’s logic seemed circular to me, but I did all that in a pre-911 world when I guess the government was more lax about my identity.

I was upset leaving the DMV for not even thinking about obtaining a state issued copy of my marriage certificate. I didn’t think the bar would be so high to prove I am me. Despite this huge frustration, I also was thankful God knows who I am, he has welcomed me into his family and no matter how many names I have, he has only one for me: daughter.

Yes, I was in the midst of an identity crisis of biblical proportions, but also felt God giving me a lesson about who he is and who I was called to be – his! Scripture clearly conveys God’s heart for the poor, the oppressed, the orphaned and yes, the rejected. He treasures those of us who have been rejected and made a way to adopt us into the family of God. He never wants us thinking we are left out any longer. Daughters, heirs of God, don’t whine and beg; they pray and believe in God’s love, power and affection.

My identity is firmly established in the finished work of Christ on the cross. His overwhelming victory gives me a place at his table of grace. 1 Peter 2:9 remind us: But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (NIV)

Approaching the clerk at the DMV, I was filled with anxiousness and fear of rejection. But when I approach the throne of God’s grace, I am assured of God’s welcome and loving embrace. I will always be his forever, no matter what. That thought leaves me speechless, but in a totally different way than I was at the DMV. My wordless response there was of anger and disappointment that I had failed to prove who I was. Accepting my identity in Christ leaves me speechless in humble, yet awe-inspiring gratitude.

As an heir of Christ, I have nothing to prove – not even who I am – and all of eternity to live out that identity.

Let Go of Failure! Move forward! Live boldly!

“What do you mean?” My voice quivered that morning and I’m sure my eyes had that deer in the headlights look. The customer service agent was patient as she explained once again. “You booked your flight for 9PM instead of 9AM.” Again, I just stared at her. Mistakes like this don’t happen to me. I’m careful, I’m cautious and I double check everything. Then I remembered – that night I spent hours searching for a low airfare. When this one popped up on my computer screen, its low price entranced me and I booked it. In my haste, I didn’t check the actual departure time.

A line of impatient customers formed in back of me while I held back tears. Fortunately, the customer service agent offered me a solution. She would check my luggage and put me on the wait list for the next flight. A glimmer of hope, which was immediately dashed when she said, “This is a popular destination. Most of today’s flights are overbooked. You still might not get out until 9PM. Good luck.”

Walking towards my gate, a torrent of tears flooded my face. I felt utterly defeated, stupid and shamed. I failed. Disgrace poked holes in my confidence. My tears grew stronger. How did I let this happen? How would I explain my failure to my friends who were expecting me at noon and not midnight?

Entering the waiting area, a torrent of wetness flowed down my face. I heard God whisper, “Let it go! Give it to me.” My heart answered, “I can’t, Lord. I’m trying to, but I can’t release my failure.” For a few minutes, I wrestled with God. I was so deeply engrossed in telling God how I couldn’t surrender this fiasco to him, I almost missed the gate agent calling my name over the intercom. Moments later, with a boarding pass in hand, I was still berating myself for this misstep. Yet the tears had subsided and I understood more fully why God was telling me to liberate my inadequacies.

This side of heaven, we will never have total victory, but we will have some. Each and every day, God is transforming you, changing you, remaking you in his image. Paul wrote to the Philippians, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

My bigger mistake was not handing my failure over to the God who loved me enough to say “let it go.” In that airport, instead of crying, I should have handed my broken scars back to my heavenly Father. Let go of my insecurity and taken hold of my true identity as a child of God. Let go of my shame – of the feeling no one would love me just the way I am – and taken hold of the grace God was offering me.

When victory, even a small one like this, becomes yours, celebrate them! Don’t miss them as I almost did that day beating myself up for my failure. Seize the victories. Rejoice! Move forward and off of those self-deprecating thoughts. Don’t let failure overcome your heart – celebrate the times when victory is yours!

Celebrate the times when life hands you victory out of defeat.

Celebrate when you didn’t answer a curt word with one of your own.

Celebrate when you forgot the milk at the grocery store and didn’t call yourself a failure.

Celebrate when you didn’t yell at your kids or your husband for leaving their stuff cluttering the living room.

Celebrate the time taken just for you to gain perspective on the day rather than enter it feeling defeated, dragged down and disgusted.

Live boldly knowing God honors your progress and offers grace for the times you fall short.

Stop feeling you’re not good enough, not smart enough, not lucky enough, or just not enough, period. Let go of the feelings that sabotage your confidence, move forward into the arms of God and live courageously knowing God has taken hold of you. Then boldly celebrate all the small victories in your life.