Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when He created me. In the past two weeks, I’ve risked pursuing my dreams more than any other time in my life. My heart grows faint because I’m daring to tell my story, the broken parts, the negative turns, the downward spirals. While my dream is to use my story to encourage, uplift and inspire others, telling it means laying bare and exposed, open to the criticism of others. What if it isn’t good enough? What if my life doesn’t measure up? That thought has brought me to the ground crying and broken, wondering why I’m putting myself through this. Is chasing my dream worth this anguish? Why didn’t God give me more talent, more courage, more creativity?
Yesterday, as I was driving home, I thought I’d like to be a butterfly. They are gorgeous. They flit and float without a care in the world from one beautiful blossom to the next. The enchanting aroma of the blooms always engulfs them. They feed on sweet nectar. And they bring even more splendor in the world, helping flowers to pollinate.
In the midst of my crazy thought, God poured healing ambrosia on my wounds. He reminded me butterflies don’t start their lives as gorgeous, winged creatures. No, they start as caterpillars, ugly and common, banished to the ground searching for food instead of floating through the skies.
God emphasized that I left out an important part of the story. I delight in the beauty of the butterfly without considering the changes it went through to achieve that magnificence. They take their unsightly and awkward beginnings and go into isolation. They become something entirely different; more than just a caterpillar with wings. Then they put their caterpillar history behind them and soar.
God gave me this dream and it is time for me to stop being cooped up and start to fly. To hide my gifts away is not only diminishing me, but it takes away from God. I am who He created me to be. Despite my fear, God holds my beating heart next to His. It is time to leave the cocoon. And with His strength, I will emerge transformed.