Tag Archives: surrender

The Tyranny of the Barline

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Memorial dayAs a college music student, I learned about the tyranny of the barline. Composers used bars to organize music – a very useful invention. But when the bar line, or rather the beat associated with the downbeat, the first beat of the bar, became all-controlling, musicians began to rally against the very rigid sense of rhythym. The tyranny of the barline was born.

I thought about this today, on Memorial Day, because I decided over this weekend to rally against the tyranny of the to do list. For most people, that’s where we desperately need to overthrow the oppression in our lives. The overscheduling, the unkept promises, the taking on more than we can handle and of course, the ensuing depression that come from balancing an unstable house of cards, mostly one of our own making.

This weekend, I decided to live an oxymoron – to tackle my to do list while relaxing! At first, the task sounds daunting, something that not only can’t be done, but shouldn’t even be tried. This weekend taught me that’s not necessarily true. It all depends on what items you place on your to do list and your attitude towards them.

I’m not telling you to stop taking out the garbage, going to the grocery store or doing your laundry. All are necessary, even noble things. But this weekend, amidst all that, I asked God to change my heart so He became my first priority. In eternity, God doesn’t care about how many loads of laundry I do, or how many times a month I mow my grass – thank goodness! He wants me to love Him, serve Him; to go out to love and serve others.

In between the loads of laundry, I took time to call a few friends – just to chat. After completing some gardening, I took Lily to the doggie park and thanked God for the beauty in her powerful strides as she ran and romped with her dog friends. I wrote some long overdue letters and cards and on the way to the post office held the little stack in my hand praising God for giving me such loyal friends. And at night, instead of just watching a rerun, I got out my journal and told God how much I enjoyed the day walking beside Him. How excited I was to feel His hand in mine as I tackled the items on my to do list together.

And while many of us are in a season where there is little we can eliminate from our lists, I firmly believe there is always something we can add. Time with God. It doesn’t have to be hours upon hours. The presence of God joining us, opening our eyes to His gifts and awakening us to our dreams lightens everything we must complete. Practicing the presence of God throughout our day is not always easy. Inviting God into our to do lists makes us more aware of what really matters to God. And with that, we can make beautiful harmony with our Creator.

Stamina

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I came back exhausted. Three friends from high school live in the Bay Area of California which prompted a long weekend to visit them. Walking up and down the hills, enjoying an afternoon japanese gardenstroll through the Japanese Garden in Golden Gate Park, hiking to see waterfalls in Marin County, staying up late for girl talk, plus the drive there and back left me lingering in bed the morning after my return.

Prior to my departure, I predicted my muscles would ache after the trip. Still I was not prepared for the exhaustion. I packed as much as I possibly could into a short period of time. So while it was the good kind of tired, my energy level hit rock bottom nonetheless.

It got me to thinking about other times my energy has waned. Galatians 6:9 tells us, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Remembering this verse brought pangs of guilt. There I was laying in my bed weary from three days of activity even though there was so much to do that morning. Was I essentially giving up? So many tasks to accomplish, so many people to connect with, a dog to be walked; the list was endless. But then I realized that in order to gain stamina, rest was essential, not selfish.

Rest is what enables us to recharge, to prepare for the tasks ahead of us. I like to think of myself as someone who stays strong, who never gives up the fight. I want to serve well until the day I’m done. But God knows we need rest to be rejuvenated, because it is the only way we are filled so we can pour out our energy and our love once again.

During that day, I acknowledged that I am human, that I have limits. But I also prayed to God, “I’m not quitting. In the stillness of today, I’m learning to trust you.” Rest brought increased stamina to serve the God of grace, who understands the frailty of my human condition. And even when I felt weak, I knew there was divine power working within me. After resting, I gained vigor to get up and keep going.

There are many things that drive us to bed: too much exercise, an illness, depression. As Christians, though, we all have God in us – One who is bigger, more powerful, more capable than any of our bad days. He is stronger than our circumstances. Every moment of our lives are in God’s care. Every day begins and ends with His purpose. There will always be a faithful never-changing God who is in control. He gives us stamina, for in our rest we acknowledge He is in charge and He will never let us go.

School Bus

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I never rode a yellow school bus as a student. My grammar school didn’t have bus service, so my sister, brother and I walked almost a mile to and from our classes. In high school, I graduated to the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority), the big cream and green buses that hauled students, mothers and workers. Yellow school buses were reserved for special days, like field trips or rides to choir concert venues.1700school_bus

Maybe it is a good thing I had to walk to grammar school because those years were an awkward time. My insecurities ran rampant mostly because my sister, my so-not-like-me-at-all sister, was only one grade ahead of me.

Did I mention she was perfect? Where she was neat, I was sloppy; where she was quiet and demure, I was loud and boisterous; where she was polite, I pushed the envelope close to rudeness. The voices of teachers asking me, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” still ring in my ears even today – many, many years later.

The school bus would have been just one more place for taunts, another opportunity to be teased and tormented. Walking was tough, but the walk never reminded I was a complete failure. You’d think I’d get over it, but some wounds are deep. Scars remain.

Yet, those scars and other wounds have led me to the most intimate conversations with God. My humiliation drives me to my knees and I pray, “God, I need your perspective. My hurts are suffocating me. I am utterly dependent on you. I bring these hurts and lay them at your feet.” And when I am humble before Him, He rewards me with moments of sheer joy.

Joy when He whispers back to me, “You are my daughter. I love you just as you are. I’m beside you and I will give you strength.” He lifts my spirits with His nearness. He restores my honor with His love. Instead of criticism, He offers me tenderness and inclusion.

Joy occurs when I find my identity in God and not in my circumstances. When I am dependent on Him, I’m fearless. When I am faithful to Him, I lose my worry and anxiety. It is only in Him that I can embrace life. When I look beyond the criticism and negativity of the world, I see God’s best for me. And even though my spirit is scarred, I see the future as incredibly inviting and bright.

Maybe as bright as a big, yellow school bus.